Don’t adjust your screen settings my friends your computer is just fine.  But judging by this photo the same cannot be said for Sammy Sosa.  Far for me to judge someone on anybody’s appearance but Mr. Sosa is definitely sporting  a different look these days.  It would appear to this untrained eye that he’s sporting a lighter shade of skin these days.  Am I wrong my friends?

 This has left me wondering what could be the matter with the “No speak da Englay” former slugger .  Thus far here’s the list the list that my crack staff of researchers can come up with.

• It’s quite possible that Sammy is up for a role in White Chicks 2 starring opposite the Wayans brothers.

• Perhaps Sammy has fallen in love with the use of pancake make-up?
• Maybe Sammy hopes it can be Halloween everyday, all year round?
• Is this Sammy’s tribute to MJ?
• Maybe Sammy has gone undercover and he thinks no one will recognize him?

I’m sure there’s an obvious reason that one would try to change the pigmentation of their skin.  I mean what sane human doesn’t want to that from time to time, right?  In any event since my crack research staff is a staff of ONE – namely me – I was hoping that some of you can reply back some possible reasons that Sammy Sosa is imitating Casper the Friendly ghost. 

Thanks in advance for helping me solve this caper. 

I went out and bought Bill Simmons new book a few weeks ago.  In actual fact I rushed out and bought it.  I had to have it.  There are no ifs, ands or buts about it.  The book needed to be mine.  Unfortunately I didn’t buy it for myself, I instead bought for my brother-in-law’s birthday present.  A great present indeed, in which I know he’s thoroughly happy to have received (Andrew: I hope it’s arrived by now)

In any event I do have a wish for my brother-in-law to fulfill.  I request that he  have all 700 pages read before December. Is that too much to ask?  The reason being is that  I’d really like to borrow the book during the month of December (who wrote the rules on borrowing a gift you bought anyways?) because according to the Sports Guy’s twitter account he’ll be coming to the Great White North on his book tour.    With the aid of the gift I bought I hope to replace this random guy

in this picture when I meet him.  Not only that, if my brother in law can comply and read the book fast enough perhaps I can even get it autographed (has there ever been more pressure layed on someone who has received a gift? )

If Operation “I bought you a cool book now read the damn thing” fails, all is not lost (you can breath easy my friends because I know someone of you might possibly lose sleep over this).  Luckily for me on the same very day that I bought my brother in law’s birthday present I was able to buy myself a little something from the bargain book rack.

This little diddy was sitting on the bargain rack for the low price of $4.99.  I’m sure the Sports Guy won’t be thrilled with that mark down, but this fella was elated.  So if my brother in law can’t get through a mere 700 pages by December, I’ll be prepared to sub in this one instead.  In any event I wanted to post Bill Simmons latest column that depicts the trials and tribulations of his book tour thus far.  Enjoy. 

If by chance you come across my collection of mediocre posts Mr. Simmons (if you do get a chance to read this you are obviously quite bored on the road for your book tour or your firewall settings on your computer are pretty feeble) please don’t be offended that I purchased your first book for bargain price.  Like most of my short comings these days, I’ll just blame it on the economic downturn. 

Tonight the Leafs are in Raleigh to take on the Carolina Hurricanes in a battle for the basement in the NHL standings.  If this would’ve been the two previous seasons when I was perfecting the art of Team Tanking I would’ve been all over the Leafs to lose this game.  However the script has been changed a tad this season due to the fact that the Leafs don’t own their 1st round pick any longer (It was nice knowing ya Taylor Hall) so due to this I have no choice but to hope for many Leaf victories to avoid the anguish on missing out on the 1st pick overall in the entry draft.

So I thought  I would scour the old information highway to aid coach Ron Wilson and help deliver an inspirational speech to the boys in blue and white prior to this evening’s pivotal tilt.  Luck be a lady or Jason Blake (whatever the case may be) I found a classic.  Go Leafs Go!

To read more about this young lad please read this.

That bell you hear is the death toll for my fantasy hockey team.  I’m reading reports that Alex Ovechkin is out with a shoulder injury and his return to the lineup is unknown.  If he’s out for an extended period of time my chances of finally hoisting the Danny Lloyd Cup are decimated.  I have a feeling that Geoff “The Duke” Wall might be responsible for Ovie’s injury, but at press time I have no conclusive evidence.  Nonetheless who is responsible for this injury, this news is potentially disastrous for my fair squad, worst yet though I wonder how these ladies might be reacting to this news right now.

Methinks they are probably sitting in a corner with their hands in their armpits ala Sister Mary Catherine of Saturday Night Live Fame.

Tonight is the night folks.  After a few months on the sidelines the Phil Kessel era begins in Toronto tonight.  I am in no means expecting him to immediately turn around the floundering squad’s fortunes, but his insertion into the line up finally allows me to feel some sort of excitement especially after their dismal start to the 2009/2010 campaign.  It’s been quite sometime for the Buds to have a dynamic young scoring winger (I don’t think I could name you one from the last 10 years). 

Not to be left are the Leaf haters, who should also feel some sort of excitement.  Kessel’s debut will allow them to run up the “he’s not worth 2 draft 1st rounders” argument up the flag pole for the umpteenth time.  So I guess Kessel’s debut is win/win for everybody.  In classic Leaf fashion though I expect Kessel to get injured while getting his jersey over his shoulder pads.  Cue in Paul Hendrick with the update. 

Here’s a clip of Christopher Walken reciting Lady Gaga’s Poker Face.  Pure comedy gold my friends. 

As an ardent supporter of all things Toronto Blue Jays I’ve had few reasons to get jacked up in the last 16 years.  Their absence from post season play has made me a fair weather watcher of the World Series.  I consider myself a bigger fan (not just in waist circumference) than most, yet I still find it difficult to follow the Fall Classic inning by inning, out for out and pitch by pitch. 

There’s a host of reasons for this besides the obvious exclusion of the Jays in these contests.  One of the main reasons is that the games start so late and take so long to play (this will be most assuredly the case this time around with Joe Girardi making 14 pitching moves per game).  However despite Girardi’s best attempts to make the World Series go longer than the Jerry Lewis Labour Day Telethon I pledge to myself that I’ll make my best effort to partake in some of the coverage.  It won’t be because I’m cheering for the Phillies to repeat as Champions or because I want to see A-Roid pull his best Houdini act (although since being smitten with Kate Hudson, all seems well with Mr. A-Roid. 

The real reason I’ll be tuning in this year is in hopes of catching many glimpses of The Captain’s, Derek Jeter, girlfriend and Fine Fiver – Minka Kelly.  There’s no doubt that there will countless shots of her cheering on her man during this series.  So here’s hoping to a seven game set. 

When you are a lazy hombre and as unpleasant of a looker like myself you need to take advantage of every loophole when it comes to making your spouse happy.  Since I’ve been labelled a “big disappointment” (circa 1995 by Josh Shanks, a first rate critic on all things raging from peaceful relations at the Six Nations Arena to sketchyness of the condiments in a Kentucky diner) I’ve taken it to heart to try to do the extra little things in order to make the First Lady happy on a semi regular basis.

Today’s weak attempt in this on going ’shock and awe” campaign of happiness is a picture of  Taylor Kitsch, the actor who plays Tim Riggins in one of our favourite shows Friday Night Lights.  If you are a regular reader of this space of mediocrity (if you are you should know that there’s only about a million or so blogs out there that are much better than this one) you will recognise that the First Lady’s heart get a bumping to a boom, boom pow ratio when the semblance of Mr. Kitsch crosses her eyes. 

For added effect to top off the picture, I have found a link that has the top ten lines from Tim Riggins (the character that Taylor Kitsch portrays on FNL).   Also note that I have included the picture that has Kitsch with one of my FINE FIVE, Minka Kelly (smart thinking by this guy, eh? Perhaps she would like to watch the Yankee game with the First Lady and I this weekend, non?) In any event Madame First Lady – Have a Happy Friday, Saturday and Sunday!!!!

The Don Cherry inspired hockey jersey that the players from the Kingston Frontenacs wore last evening has me scratching my head.  The garments have skeptical choice written all over it in my opinion.  Alas, I’m no GQ fashionista and in no way am I qualified in judging anyone’s fashion savvy but ikes my friends, those jerseys make some of the NHL’s 3rd jersey options look pretty palatable (yes even the mustard diddy offered up by the Nashville Predators). 

 Thankfully this is a one-off appearance (did you know that one-off is one of the First Lady’s favourite sayings…Huh?)  and somehow someone out in there will purchase them all in the name of charity.  Great oogly moogly I say.

Let’s call a spade a spade – the beginning of the 2009-2010 Leafs season isn’t going quite as well as I thought (I’m guessing it hasn’t gone exactly according to Hoyle for Brian Burke either).  There’s many out there in Leafs Nation ready to scale the CN tower and see how long the free fall actually is.  I kid you not, from the scuttlebut that I hear some fans care that darn much.  If you can count yourself as one of these suicidal Leaf fans let me put your mind at ease friend. 

Despite beginning the season winless and facing a horrible 5 game road trip, all is not lost.  Trust me my friend, It’s time for you to look at the positives of the Leafs abysmal start. 

Though the many columns in the papers, the thousands of radio calls into the talk shows  and countless blogs entries (you can bet most of the blog entries are better than the one you are currently reading) would have you believe that Leafs have been entirely rancid up to this point in the season, I’m here to tell you that this notion isn’t entirely true.

You see friend, the Leafs may have lost all of their games thus far, but on the bright side they haven’t given up a lead.  That’s right, as pitiful as they have been they haven’t given up a lead all season.  Name another NHL team (if you still consider the Leafs an NHL team) that hasn’t given up a lead all season. 

Grant it the Leafs haven’t had a lead all season, but potatoe – potato.  Don’t rain on my parade.  Considering the start they have had it will be again the only parade the Leafs will be take part in for me this season.