The excitement that Canada has produced during the last two games at the WJC’s is bound to kill TSN’s hockey guru Pierre McGuire. It’s quite possible that we may see him spontaneously combust on air Monday night during the final that will pit Team Sweden vs. the host Team Canada. His on-air excitement is approaching towards a record level for a hockey announcer rivaling that of only a cheap used car salesmen’s local access television commercial. I’m pretty sure his partner Gord Miller has to restrain McGuire with a series of intricate bungee cords strategically placed so that he doesn’t fall out of the booth.
I’m not sure Mr. McGuire’s heart can take anymore of this drama, nor am I sure that Mr. McGuire can make anymore excuses to use his thesauraus to make up hockey specific analogies and ridiculous commentary about other nations coaching (or in his opinion, lack of) coaching manoeuvres. I’m not a Pierre McGuire basher by nature, however it must be said that I think he’s one of the biggest slurpers (Nick Kypreos must be in the running as well) in the hockey broadcast booth.
I haven’t been in the NHL, around the NHL or even had the opportunity to coach in the NHL like Mr. McGuire, so I can give him some benefit of my own doubt that he knows what he’s talking about. However, in my opinion this man loves to intertwine big words and relate it to hockey vernacular. I didn’t start this mediocre blog to start gossiping about other people’s personal affairs, but if I were Mr. McGuire’s significant other I would be worried about her husband’s affair with his ever expanding hockey thesaurus that he obviously cuddles and spoons so closely each and every night.
Case in point last night at the conclusion of the thrilling Russia vs. Canada match McGuire was spouting off against Russia’s coach Sergei Nemchenov for not having sniper Nikita Filatov partake in the shootout. “NONSENSICAL NON EXPERIENCED PERSONIFIED”. Really, that’s what he said. Apparently his comments are loosely translated to “Wow, I’m surprised that Nemchenov didn’t use Filatov”. I’m surprised that McGuire didn’t finish off his little diatribe with his jacked up trademark “WHAMMO!!!” or “HE’S A MONSTER!!” but I guess neither of those would aptly describe the situation like “NONSENSICAL NON EXPERIENCED PERSONIFIED”. I honestly thought I was listening to Gorilla Monsoon call the shootout.
Now far for it for me to pick apart on one little thing that a commentator says during a broadcast but it would appear that McGuire has a bit of a hate on for Russian hockey. I’ll flash you back to the 2006 WJC a few years back when again the Russians were pitted against the Canadians in the Finals. I was watching with the game with my pal Kuli and the game was tight and the emotions were getting heated. At this point I really never thought much of what McGuire was saying as I was only interested in the hockey game. However Kuli kept pointing out McGuire’s biased nature towards the Canadians. I laughed off Kuli’s point because I’m not going to rail against guy for being pro-birth country, however when McGuire described a Russian player faking an injury with “THE PERSONIFICATION OF EMBELLISHMENT” I had to take notice. The Russian player in question clearly took a stick to his mug. No doubt if a Canadian took it he would be a “MONSTER!!” but because the Russian took it “THE PERSONIFICATION OF EMBELLISHMENT” tag was used. My pal Kuli was none to pleased and the McGuire’ism makes us laugh to this day. (I know I should get a life and find some real funny things to bond over with my pals)
Needless to say I’m eagerly looking forward to the Final on Monday night. Perhaps TSN will use an on-screen heart monitor to display McGuire’s excitement level and overall likelihood to finish the telecast without the need of a defibrillator. This type innovation might be an interesting interactive piece of technology for TSN to use with it’s viewers. My guess is that McGuire will blow his mind during the Final and we will hear his partner Gord Miller request some assistance from the guys in the truck “Um…guys….Pierre’s down personifying his nonsensical and whimsical embellished goal scoring calls. Can we get some help here?”