This is the face of my new enemy and the newly anointed 5th official enemy of this mediocre blog. This is Mr/Mrs pesky raccoon. Over the past 2 weeks I’ve gotten know him/her/it very well. What at first seemed like an innocent chance encounter has now become an all too often daily meeting. The pesky raccoon has taken up residence somewhere in my backyard and is using my backyard as it’s home base for anarchy. Mr/Mrs. Raccoon is quite brazen and isn’t afraid to lurk about during daytime hours.
This bandit masked mischief maker is driving me crazy. To help eradicate myself of this problem I tried to get the local animal control folks on my side but it would appear they are reluctant to do anything unless I can produce a carcass. (On a side note wouldn’t you think that animal control would like to come and catch it before someone like myself killed the darn thing? Shouldn’t they be concerned about the animal and/or the kids that might get hurt from the animal?) If I were a tad more manly I’d probably sit outside and challenge it to a duel, but I have no doubt that I would tremble in fear and the pesky thing would be declared the victor.
I also tried to call an outside company to remedy my problem but they proved to be far too expensive. Plus they wanted to make my shed out to be a fortress by digging deep down the sides of the shed and attaching steel lattice to the bottom of it. On this steel lattice would be a door that only would go out. A successful plan most likely but at the price of a g-note, Je ne pense pas. (unless there’s a wonderful benefactor out there who is a big fan of my mediocre musings. If so, deal me in)
So what am I to do? Google of course. The first remedy that I found on the old information highway was the use of moth balls. Quite simply moth balls are a weak defense (much like the Ukraine in the game of Risk during a classic episode of Seinfeld)
Next I used a technique that had me douse rags in ammonia. The smell of this liquid is supposed to keep the raccoon at bay. This little tid bit of information seemed to have worked for the first couple of days (and in actual fact may be working still however…) the First Lady spotted the wily creature scurrying up the neighbour’s front yard tree yesterday. So even though the raccoon may be out of my yard he’s still lurking in the neighbourhood and this is bad for the Association and the Merger. Which means it’s still bad for me.
Since it’s on the loose and mobile like Al-Qaeda I commissioned some of the local youth living in the area for their sketch drawings of this beast so I can circulate some wanted posters.
This picture may not be menacing enough for effect but it works for me. If anyone has any tricks of the trade with dealing with raccoons please divulge. Don’t hold back. Until this raccoon begins paying my property taxes he/she/it is not welcome living chez nous. I’m getting close to putting a bounty on the raccoons carcass. At least then the wonderful folks at the animal control will come for a visit.