Yes Virginia There is a Santa Claus: An Early Christmas Present For Me

I was surfing the net for the umpteenth time today when I stumbled upon an early christmas present for myself. Out of nowhere news concerning the Toronto Blue Jays television announcing crew came down and although I’m pretty happy with the verdict, I am sure the Campbell family isn’t as cheery.

My wish for change has come through and my arch nemesis of broadcasting, Jamie Campbell, has been replaced as lead play by play caller by former broken leg catcher/colour analyst and manager Buck Martinez.  No matter what Buck’s shortcomings were as a manager/player or even his gig as an analyst beside the great Dan Shulman, this has to be seen as a drastic improvement over Jamie Campbell, who many a times made me turn down the televison and turn up the radio in order to watch the game.

Pour me some egg nog and don’t be shy with the rum.  Thank you Sporting Santa Claus….Thank you.  Here’s to not having to hear Jamie Campbell calling a lazy fly ball a near home run again.

I Now Pronounce You “THE HUSKIES”

Tonight the Raptors unveiled their retro Toronto Huskies jerseys for their matchup vs. the Minnesota Timberwolves. 

My initial verdict is ME LIKEY MY FRIENDS.  The Raptors game is barely 3 minutes in (oddly enough they haven’t given up over 35 points yet) and I’m already ready to join a movement to get the Raptors to change their moniker to “Huskies” permanently. I’ve never been keen on the Raptor being their team name.  I never understood why  John Bitove and pals decided on the dinosaur theme.  I’m sure I can google the reason which probably revolves around either of 2 things:

1. Isaiah Thomas was running the team and choosing a stupid moniker was far from his worst decision.  (Remember the Vincenzo Esposito signing folks and the trading away of Damon Stoudamire for reference if needed)
2. A movie (that to this day I am proud  can honestly say that I haven’t seen) like Jurassic Park was a box office bonaza and the fine marketing machine that NBA is thought to themselves “Hey….Canadians like movies……Canadians must like dinosaurs….Now lets pick the Raptor as their moniker because it goes well with the crappy purple uniforms that we have envisioned”. 

Now I grant you the version of the Huskies jerseys the fellas are wearing tonight would have to be updated for the NBA merchandising wizards, but I think that the blue and white would fall in line with MLSE and pension puppets (I love you guys says the teacher side of me).  What are your thoughts my friends?

Words to Live By: A Great Brendan Shanahan Story

This is the reason pay homage to all of my autograph seeking fans my friends.  The newly retired Brendan Shanahan recounts a little story from his youth involving former 50 goal sniper Rick Vaive.

“When I was 14 years old I was skating in the summertime at a rink in Toronto,” Shahanan recalled. “Rick Vaive happened to be skating at an adjoining rink and we were actually in dressing rooms that were right next to each other.  I went in when he was sort of settled and asked him for an autograph. I didn’t get the best response from Rick Vaive at that time. Fast forward four years later and Rick Vaive is waiting for a meaningless faceoff in Buffalo,” Shanahan said. “He’s now playing for the Sabres. He’s lined up next to some 18-year-old kid from New Jersey. When the puck dropped, I attacked Rick Vaive.  It was a quiet, uneventful game. He couldn’t believe the rage I had, not only in attacking him, but it took two (linesmen) to restrain me afterwards and throw me in the penalty box.”

Photo Of The Day

 

This photo is pretty self explanatory, non?  At times you need to leave it to people who can do it better than you. In the spirit of that I offer you the following words from an avid reader in Guelph, Ontario named Y.O - who after today’s latest Eldrick relevations offers us the following.

“After today’s round Tiger is at 10 Under“. 

Well said Mr. Y.O, well said.

Getting My Griswold On

 

As the calendar flips over to the jolly month of December it would appear that ’tis the season for me to risk it all by putting up some christmas lights around the First Lady, the young squire and I’s home for the upcoming yuletide season.  This isn’t a chore I look forward to with great delight.  For those not in the know, due to my sheer size, gravity isn’t my best friend.  Thus having me climb up a ladder and on to my roof  isn’t likely a smart idea.  Although for some, watching me barrel down a few feet onto the cold pavement below might be humerous.  For me…..not so much.

However I do understand the importance of having some christmas cheer for the young squire.  He’s probably already feeling some scorn with his toddler friends in the neighbourhood, due to the fact that we are already being shown up by every house on the block with their wonderful light show arrangements (apparently I didn’t get the BE A GOOD DAD/HUSBAND memo that November was going to be so  nice in the way of temperature and that every other male in the neighbourhood would be putting up their LED’s…nice work Arsy!)

So this weekend I’m off to Canadian Tire to battle the masses in search of some lights.  If you feel the ground rumbling for a moment or suspect that we are experiencing an earthquake this weekend, don’t be alarmed.  The likely result is that I’ve fallen from a ladder.  Just call for help.  Please no cameras.

Alex Anthop-a-vowels is Looking Pretty Smart Right Now

New general manager Alex Anthop-a-vowels is looking pretty shrewd to me early in his tenure at the helm of the once mighty Blue Jays.  Word is that the Boston Red Sox have signed Marco Scutaro to play shortstop for them this season. 

On the surface you might be wondering how this transaction makes Toronto better?  Scutaro was arguably one of Toronto’s most reliable players over the past two seasons and his contributions and steady play will surely be missed.  However Anthop-a-vowels turned a 34 year old shortstop who was a journeyman before his stint in Toronto into a 3 for 1 trade with their divisional rivals, the Boston Red Sox.  Let me explain.

Earlier this month the Jays signed former Boston short stop Alex Gonzalez to a short term deal to be their starting short stop.  At the same time they offered Scutaro arbitration knowing that he most likely wouldn’t accept it, but by doing so they ensured that they would receive 2 high draft picks as compensation if a team signed Scutaro due to his Type A free agent status.  Presto…change-o as luck would have the Bosox complied thus making the transaction line read like this:  Marco Scutaro for Alex Gonzalez, a 1st round pick and a sandwich pick (between 1st/2nd rounds). 

Hopefully Anthop-a-vowels can continue act in this shrewd manner to restock the Jays system with talent.  1993 seems so long ago.

Tiger Woods Releases a Statement

Tiger Woods has finally released a statement regarding the bizarre nature of his auto/matrimonial accident. 

As you all know, I had a single-car accident earlier this week, and sustained some injuries. I have some cuts, bruising and right now I’m pretty sore.This situation is my fault, and it’s obviously embarrassing to my family and me. I’m human and I’m not perfect. I will certainly make sure this doesn’t happen again.

This is a private matter and I want to keep it that way. Although I understand there is curiosity, the many false, unfounded and malicious rumors that are currently circulating about my family and me are irresponsible.

The only person responsible for the accident is me. My wife, Elin, acted courageously when she saw I was hurt and in trouble. She was the first person to help me. Any other assertion is absolutely false.

This incident has been stressful and very difficult for Elin, our family and me. I appreciate all the concern and well wishes that we have received. But, I would also ask for some understanding that my family and I deserve some privacy no matter how intrusive some people can be.

The main piece of information that I can pull out of this statement is that Tiger would like everyone to refer to his wife as a “hero” and not “club wielding crazy woman that might be seen on the next Maury Povich Show”.  In any event if the rumours about Tiger’s extra curricular activities are true, he might want to contact Kobe Bryant or David Beckham for their play by play how to guides on how to smooth this over with his wife.

HAPPY GREY CUP DAY!!!!

Today is the day that the Saskatchewan Rough Riders will battle the heavily favoured Montreal Alouettes for the right to hoist the Grey Cup.  I can’t say I really support either team since my allegiance is squarely with the Hamilton Tiger Cats, however today I will be wearing green and drinking from green bottles in hopes of Saskatchewan winning the 97th edition of the Grey Cup.

In somewhat a traditional way I’m hosting a little soiree to watch the game at the First Lady’s and I’s little manor.  I tend to watch most of the big sporting events with my Grandparents, Bill and Rhea and my other Grandfather, Pip.  My parents will also be in attendance as I hope we all will be clinking the Moosehead green bottles during a Saskatchewan victory. 

I’ve never been a huge watch the game at the bar kind of guy.  Probably mostly due to the fact the Grey Cup and Super Bowl tend to be played on Sundays and I can’t get too caught up in partaking in too many libations, but mostly it’s because I genuinely enjoy watching these games with my family.  They are hugely responsible for my love of sports, since they always had them on the radio or television when I was growing up. So I might as well enjoy some good food, good adult  beverages, some gambling in the form of a Grey Cup pool and great company.  

I can only hope that the Young Squire, N8, can enjoy these events as much as I do.  Unfortunately today N8 is cheering on the Montreal Alouettes.  When reached for comment N8 replied “I like French women, so vive Le Quebec”.   Interesting rationale son.  If you prove to be correct I will be picking my proline picks next week according to each teams state representative in the Miss America contest.  Since at his young age N8 is clearly a visual learner I offer him the following pictures for comparison purposes.

Because I Can’t Sleep If I Pass On More Untruthful Info About Mascots – Here’s Carlton The Bear Straight Off The Press

Reports Of My Demise…..

A TRUE REPORT FROM CARLTON THE BEAR – I, STRAIGHT FROM THE ARSE, WOULD LIKE TO APOLOGIZE TO CARLTON FOR PASSING ON HALF/PARTIAL/NON-TRUTHS ABOUT HIS BEING.  I AM A NOTED LIAR WHEN IT COMES TO MATTERS OF MASCOTS AND I SHALL SEEK HELP IN THE MORNING.  WITHOUT ANY FURTHER ADO I GIVE YOU CARLTON THE BEAR.

Friday, 27.11.2009 / 12:33 PM / News

by Carlton the Bear

So I am just finishing off some salmon and wiping my mouth with the sleeve of my Leafs sweater when the phone calls start coming in.

“Carlton,” the reporters say. “We understanding you are retiring. It’s all over the news.”

“What? “ I say.

“Haven’t you heard?”

“Fire up your internet, radio or television. Do you live in a cave or something?”

I let that one pass. Truth is, I don’t watch the news much. I’m a bear. The only time we are on the news is when one of us gets loose in some neighborhood and people tranquilize us.

I’m a reader, myself. Between books, Leaf games, appearances and coming in and out of hibernation just in time to eat a dozen of Burkie’s dogs, my schedule is pretty full.

One of my favourite authors is Mark Twain who once said “reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated.”

Substitute death for retirement and a silver haired guy for a dashing, lovable bear and the story is pretty much the same.

Kids, Carlton the Bear is not retiring. For one thing, I don’t even have enough saved up for a half decent ice floe.

You talk to other bears and they say ‘how many times a day can you go fishing or pose for tourist pictures?’

Nope, to a bear they tell you they wish they had stayed on the job.

And what a job?  Meeting kids, high-fiving hockey players.  My message machine is jammed with friends asking if they can take over my job.  Vultures. And not just them, storks and aardvarks too.

So for all you bear lovers, and who isn’t, I have a message.

Never fear. Your friend, Carlton The Bear will always be here.

The Jays Make a MOVEMBER Statement

In honour of Movember the Toronto Blue Jays have named longtime major-league catcher Sal Fasano as their manager at Class A Lansing of the Midwest League.  It should be noted that Jays were so sold on the concept of hiring a good mustache  for the position that they had previously contacted Tom Selleck’s character from Mr. Baseball about the position but he declined their overture.